All Our Sorrows Cauldron Into One
by nubianamy
Summary: Jake, Ryder and Marley don't have to pretend at Jake's house, but they're not the only ones who need a safe place to let go. Jyley triad. Warnings for religion (Wicca), grief over major character death and discussion of suicide.


_(Author's note: this is a sequel to Spring Will Take the Bow, which is set at Beltane, or May Day. This story takes place six months later at Samhain, or Halloween. I will reiterate that Jake's mom's Pagan group is eclectic and does not practice any particular form of Wicca. While their practice of drinking socially after circle is not uncommon among Pagans, it is not part of the religious ceremony. Warnings for grief following Finn's death, alcoholism and discussion of suicide. -amy)_

* * *

Marley smiled at Ryder as he approached her and Jake at her locker. "Nice solo today in Glee."

"Thanks." Ryder kept his responding smile polite, but the undercurrent of unspoken conversation had begun before he'd even arrived. He didn't question it anymore; he trusted he knew Marley and Jake well enough to be sure what they were thinking. He knew, for example, that Marley's smile translated to an embrace and a kiss of welcome. He knew she was really saying _I knew you were singing that song for us, _just as he knew they heard him reply, _Every word._

He knew, too, that Jake would have given him an equally enthusiastic hug and kiss if they'd been alone. It was easier, if lonelier, to keep the true nature of their relationship secret at school. There would have been too many questions, too much damage to their reputations.

"Everything set for Saturday?" Ryder asked, as Jake shifted his touch on Marley's back to hold her hand.

Ryder didn't ask Jake if he wanted to hang out on weekends anymore. It wasn't because he didn't want to; rather, the assumption was in place that Ryder would be at Jake's house starting on Friday after school and ending whenever Jake's mom gently but firmly pushed him out the door on Sunday. _Your mom might want to see you're still alive,_ she'd say, or something equally sarcastic, but Ryder knew she wasn't actually trying to get rid of him. She'd told him in many ways, many times, that he was welcome - including giving him permission to sleep in Jake's bed. That had kind of blown his mind, but as she'd told them (while they had both blushed), "There's no way either of you can accidentally get pregnant."

That didn't make any sense, because Marley also had permission to sleep with them. But then, Marley had been apologetically adamant she wasn't ready for sex - not the kind that involved the possibility of making a baby, anyway. She was happy to watch them fooling around, but so far she'd drawn the line at more than above-the-waist touching. Ryder still felt a little disappointed about that, but he wasn't going to complain, not when he got to do whatever he wanted to do with Jake, and have Marley there with him, kissing and touching his skin and making amazing noises. Seriously, having her watching was just about as hot as having Jake touching him.

Jake was already nodding at him. "Yeah, everything's set. The house is going to be crowded; we'll have a couple tents outside, but most people don't think of Samhain as being warm enough for camping." He pronounced the word _sovvin. _

That was the other reason Ryder didn't need to ask to hang out with Jake on weekends - because if he had a circle thing, Ryder was automatically invited to that, too. They did circles for full moons and eight other holidays. The one time since Beltane he'd decided not to go to circle, he'd realized he missed it. So far, his mother hadn't argued with him about ditching church for Pagan services, but he was sure she hadn't told his dad. His dad wouldn't have been okay with Ryder having a boyfriend, either.

"I'll plan on showing up around eleven?" Marley said. She kissed Jake on the cheek, giving Ryder a little wave, and headed on down the hall. Ryder surreptitiously watched her go.

"You invited her, right?" he asked Jake.

"I told you, Marley doesn't do religion. She's not going to argue with me about it, but I'm sure as hell not going to push her either. It's her choice."

Ryder still thought the whole idea about having a religion that was a _choice_ was kind of a weird thing. His family was Catholic, and that was kind of it, no question, any more than he had a decision about where they lived or what color couch they had in the living room. But Jake had explained how his mom had let him decide if he wanted to circle with her coven.

"I did plenty of hanging out in my room on Saturday nights, watching DVDs, when I was younger," he'd told Ryder. "It was fine, but eventually I got curious, and that was kind of it."

Ryder thought he might get that. It wasn't like he felt exactly comfortable with the things they did in circle, but he'd decided he liked it anyway, even when it was weird or made him question things he'd thought were true.

Which, he guessed, wasn't all that different from the way things were between him and Jake. He wanted it; yeah, but it was still a big change to go from _I might have a crush on my best friend_ to _my best friend's got his tongue in my mouth._ He definitely wasn't complaining, and the pros outweighed the cons by a huge margin, but it was still... new. And sometimes intimidating.

Ryder swallowed, watching Jake bend down to get his backpack. _And really, really hot. _

It was a lot harder to conceal what he was thinking and feeling about Jake - and Marley, for that matter, though he'd never been very good at concealing that to begin with - now that they were actually doing things together. He wasn't sure what he would do if someone called him on it. So far they'd managed to get through the first two months of junior year without anybody calling them fags, at least not without meaning it, and Ryder was really hoping they could keep it that way.

"It's kind of weird," Jake was saying, and Ryder took a couple fast steps to catch up with him. "Around each sabbat I find myself looking around at everybody at school and thinking, _they have no idea what this holiday means to me._ They just think it's Groundhog Day or the first day of spring or whatever. But for this one, it's weirder because Halloween actually _does_ mean something to most people."

"Some people think it's a devil's holiday, though. That's not really very respectful of your religion, huh?"

Jake shrugged good-naturedly. "I don't care what people think about it. It's not theirs. Whatever they think they know about what we do, they're gonna be wrong unless they've done it." He patted Ryder on the shoulder. "See you at my place?"

Ryder gave him a nod. He knew what that meant, and it usually involved making out. Even after six months of that with Jake and Marley, he couldn't unlock his bike fast enough.

Jake's mom was there when he arrived first. He could hear vacuuming in the living room. "Jake?" she called.

"Um - no, it's me." Ryder deposited his backpack on the bench beside the door, where Jake usually left his. Jake's mom poked her head around the corner, smiling when she saw Ryder.

"Oh, hi. I'm assuming Jake's on his way home?"

"Yeah, he left at the same time as me." He stood awkwardly against the wall, not exactly knowing what to do next. It wasn't the first time he'd been alone with Jake's mom, but it was a little weird, not knowing the rules. She seemed to realize this suddenly, blinking at him.

"Do you want a snack? Just, I'm a little distracted, getting ready for tomorrow, and... would you mind helping yourself? Except the fudge. That's for after circle. You want to wait for Jake in his room?"

Ryder couldn't help but blush. "I don't... I mean, I don't have to -"

"Ryder." Jake's mom raised an eyebrow at him, both hands on her hips. "If you stay out here with me, I'm going to make you move furniture and dust things. I seriously recommend you escape with a bag of chips while the getting's good."

"Right," he said hastily, scooting into the kitchen. "Got it."

The vacuum went back on immediately, but Ryder hid in the kitchen for a little while until he was sure Jake's mom wasn't going to come in and try to make small talk with him. The aforementioned fudge was wrapped on the counter, and he didn't even attempt to steal a crumb. He did find some carrots and fat-free dip in the back on the second shelf, and a bag of lentil chips, before following Jake's mother's advice.

Eventually, though, he decided he'd waited long enough that he felt guilty for not starting his homework without Jake. He pulled out his phone and typed out a text with laborious care. _Dude where are you? _

It took a few minutes for a reply to come back. _Sorry, we ran into Puck at the Save-A-Lot and he's not doing so good. Mar's trying to convince him to come home on the bus with her, but he's playing the drunk asshole. _

Ryder sighed. Ever since Jake's brother had gotten kicked out of the Air Force for conduct unbecoming, he'd been even more of a public nuisance around town. There wasn't much he could do without a car, other than offer sympathy. Although... _You want me to ask your mom to come get him?_

_Are you at my house?_ And then, following shortly thereafter, _Yeah, that'd probably be good. The manager's threatening to call the cops and I think Puck's close to decking him._

_No prob._ Ryder was already heading down the hall to the living room. "Um - Mrs. Roth?"

Jake's mom had managed to move most of the furniture herself, and she didn't seem too exhausted by doing all that vacuuming on top of it. Ryder tried not to feel guilty. She seemed to realize what time it was. "Didn't you say Jake was right behind you?"

"Yeah, but he found Puck at the grocery store. He's, um, kind of - " He paused, not sure what he could say about Puck that would sound reasonably kind. His mother made a face.

"Ruth told me she was about ready to kick him out of the house if he got thrown in jail one more time. I'd better go pick him up." She thumbed at her phone, putting it to her ear with a grim expression as she grabbed her purse from the table. "You're welcome to stay here, Ryder."

"No, no, I'll come." He wasn't going to leave Jake and Marley to deal with this without him. Whatever they were doing to hide their relationship, he was still Jake's best friend. It wouldn't look weird to show up at the Save-A-Lot and wrestle Jake's brother into submission. Which, judging from the last couple times, was probably what was going to happen.

But he was relieved to see Jake and Marley flanking Puck, seated on the sidewalk along the painted concrete exterior of the building, listening to him talking in a subdued voice. It was cold enough to warrant winter coats and mittens yet, but he could see Marley was shivering. Puck, on the other hand, was wearing an old t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and no jacket.

Jake's mother pulled up in front of the store, leaving the SUV to idle there while she climbed out and approached them, Ryder following. But Jake made a subtle gesture, warding them off, and they paused, watching the three of them. Marley reached out and took Puck's hand, and to Ryder's surprise, he let her.

"It wasn't like any of it _mattered,"_ Puck was saying, with that overly-earnest, too-loud voice Ryder associated with the very drunk.

"No, I think it did," Marley replied. "Puck, are you ready to go now? Our ride's here."

Puck looked up at them, taking a moment to focus. He barely acknowledged Ryder, but nodded warily at Jake's mom. "You here to drag my ass back to my Ma's?"

"Not until you're sober," she replied. He barked a laugh, struggling to his feet without assistance from Jake or Marley.

"You're gonna have a hell of a long wait. Pretty sure I ain't been sober for the last month."

"Well, this is a good time of year to start something new." Jake's mom held open the car door, watching Jake, but he wasn't touching Puck, and Puck seemed willing enough to climb into the back seat, sprawled across the bench. Marley got into the back behind the driver's seat while Jake sat in the front beside his mom. It felt a little awkward to be there next to Marley, but she seemed glad enough to see him, reaching out to touch his knee just briefly.

Jake's hand snaked back behind the passenger seat to grasp Ryder's, hidden below line of sight. Ryder could hear him sigh. He was trying to decide if he should ask any questions or just keep holding Jake's hand when Puck spoke.

"Tomorrow's that thing you guys do. With the maze."

Ryder wasn't sure if Puck meant _corn_ or _twisty little passages, _but Jake turned his head to look across the SUV at Puck in surprise. "The labyrinth, yeah? How'd you know about that?"

"I mowed your yard last year. Elizabeth let me help stick candles in the ground and ask questions." He shrugged. "Maybe I'll come check it out."

"Nobody comes _into_ circle with alcohol in their system," Jake's mom said firmly. "I'm not saying you're not invited, Noah, but I'm certain Elizabeth and Peter will agree with me about that."

They rode in silence for a while, Ryder wondering about this labyrinth thing and Puck's apparent interest. He wished Jake hadn't let go of his hand, and considered trying to take Marley's instead. Then Puck sighed, long and loud.

"Okay, fine. Sober." He wore a sour face, but his voice sounded defeated. "I guess I can get there in twenty-four hours."

"You're welcome to stay at our place tonight," Jake's mom told him.

_That was going to be nothing but weird, _Ryder thought, because while Puck had always treated him fine, Ryder couldn't exactly imagine Puck being okay with his little brother messing around with a guy. Friday night had been kind of their chance to shake off the pretend Jake and Ryder and Marley and just be real with each other, but it sounded like that wasn't going to happen.

Jake's mom got Puck into the house and down the hall toward the sewing room, where Ryder knew there was a twin bed. Marley was the first to catch Ryder's hand in the hallway, as soon as Puck was out of sight, pulling him into a tight hug.

"You okay?" he asked, and she nodded.

"I hadn't seen him like that before," she said. "I wasn't sure what to do, but I think he really just needed to talk."

"What about?"

"Finn." Jake emerged from his room, looking tired. "This was about Finn."

Ryder wasn't surprised to hear that, either. Puck had been hit hard by Finn's death, and they'd all seen the way he'd struggled for months afterward. He shifted his arms to rest on Jake's waist, reveling in the sensation of Jake's hands reaching around to hold his back. "He wants a chance to say goodbye to his best friend."

"Kind of," said Marley, but Jake looked away, not saying anything. Ryder waited, but that was apparently all Jake was going to say.

"What?" he prodded.

"He doesn't want to say goodbye to him," Marley said. "He wants to join him."


End file.
